I have so many thoughts built up inside I thought if I sat down to type them up maybe I would feel a little better today. Well, its been 2 weeks today since I got to hold my little Kyle. I have cried a lot today. I feel sad, kind of tired and just out of sync. Its weird, my life usually flies by, we are always busy with activities but these 2 weeks have been so long. The time just creeps by so slowly. Physically, I am starting to feel better and heal.(except my heart is acting funny but that is another story) Emotionally, I have this amazing peace about our experience. I am being carried right now. I feel everyone's love, support and prayers. Our door has been nonstop with visitors, friends, food and gifts and most imprantantly hugs. I want to share a special experience: Rich and I were sitting in the front room just talking and holding each other about 9:30pm last week and there was a small knock at the door. We opened it and it was 2 children from our neighborhood. But what touched me and I will never forget is all the sudden these 2 children, outstreached their arms up to me and said we are sorry Sis. Foster. Their hugs were amazing and healing. I am so glad they came to share their love with me.
I want to journal three spiritual experiences I have had.
1)The night before we went to the Dr. I had an awful dream. I dreamed that Rich had passed away and I cant even explain the anguish I was feeling in my dream but then all the sudden people from my ward were just flocking to my house and they were all kissing and hugging me and then I felt love and then I woke up.
2)When we were on our way to the Dr.'s office we were all talking and dreaming about when the baby would be here and where we would put the car seat in the van and then all the kids were arguing. "well I want to sit by the baby and so on" then kelsey said loudly, I read a story in the Friend magazine can I tell you? Sure. So, she started with the story was about a girl close to her age and the girls mom was going to have twins. When the girl went to the hospital to meet her new siblings there was only one. One of the twins had passed away. Kelsey told us that this was so sad and then we all talked about how our Heavenly Foster has a plan and sometimes things happen and we just dont understand why.
3)We were so excited about this Dr.'s appt. It has been circled on the calendar with a smily face. We were going to find out if our baby was a girl or a boy. When the Dr. started the ultrasound he said it seemed the baby was asleep and legs crossed so we were not able to find out. then he asked the kids to go out to the playroom and then I knew something was wrong. Our sweet baby's heart had stopped. we were sick, sad and shocked. The kids were out in the waiting room and we had to pull ourselves together to get the kids, take them home and tell them the horrible news. While the kids were in the waiting room Kelsey just happened to have my cell phone. We went to get them and go to the car and Kelsey handed me my phone. I looked at it and she had changed the screen saver to a picture of the temple. My thoughts immedietly were; it will all be ok in the end. Why did she do this, she had no idea yet. She was very in tune that day. I love my children so much.
Rich and I both took a week off from work and our normal daily duties and just devoted every moment to each other and our kids. We went camping in our backyard,roasted hot dogs and smores, played board games, went on walks, went to the temple open house, fishing, bowling, batting cages, movies, parades and cotton candy.
I love my family and I am so lucky that I have an angel in heaven waiting for me and cheering me on.
